But I think that we both know I am the weakest of us.
I can see that you are online, and I am waiting for you to talk to me. Maybe you will start a conversation if I do not? The last four times we have been chatting with each other I have been the one with the first hello. It is now two weeks since the last one.
You are nice, handsome and funny. I smile, laugh and feel happy when we are talking. But lately you have not been the one who keeps the conversation going. I feel like you do not dislike me, but you do not like me either.
It freaking hurts, because I love you so much! You say that you love me too, but you do not act like it is true. To do as you say is definitely not one of your strengths. You give me hope every time you tell me that I am your favorite, that you care about me, that we are going to have so much fun in the summer, and so on. I do not believe that what you say is totally true or will happen. I have waited for it two years now.
One of the worst parts is that you broke my heart, and I still love you with all the pieces. You fell in love with me a long time ago, but i was not ready. I hate myself for that. The summer I broke your heart, it healed before the snow fell. When you broke mine, one year and three months ago, I began to love you with all the pieces. I still do.
These days I often ask myself how long i can manage to keep my pride, by not talking to you. Last time I held out less than a month. That was a good thing. We have had many good periods after that. Now I am doubting. You will probably not be the one to start a conversation. If I do not talk to you ever again… I wonder if you will miss me. Maybe a tiny little bit. I will miss you a million times more.
The main problem in my head is: If you do not care, why should I?
I guess that you are perfectly happy without me? Well, I cry myself to sleep almost every night.